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'At least let us admit that the pattern of anyone's fate is only partly contrived by the individual. And let us now remember that a wealthy gambler one said the essence of his success was in knowing when to quit.
Ahh… when was when?' Ernest K. Gann, Fate is the Hunter
Changes in Attitudes
The end was coming, I knew. But like an addict I could never quite find the desire to quit,I could only try to control the desire for more. I wanted to be able to choose where and when I would close my hang gliding logbook.
The sensuous pleasures of lovely flights lingered years after their finish, beckoned to be renewed. I wanted to continue to paint my bright colors in the sky. I wanted the close of this chapter to come only when I wanted. And I never wanted The End to come.
It had been a beautiful Winter 2000 day at Marina, the sky as blue as it can only be on a California day. The wind was straight in off the ocean becoming not quite soarable as the day went on, strong enough that launches required attention but not stress. Landings were a pleasure, even if I had to run out one or two. My old Duck handled well to my touch despite having only seen an occasional bunny hill since our last 'high flight' in 1997. Although we barely got out of ground effect, at the end of the day I was content.
The reassuring tug on my harness, the air below my feet had brought back memories. Of sunset flights over the Pacific Ocean at Tam and Jenner and Pt. Reyes. Of rocky mountain launches at Hull Mountain. Of flying with hawks and eagles and ospreys. Of altitudes that welcomed me with the giddiness of hypoxic euphoria. Of long days spent hauling up and flying down Dillon Beach in my apprenticeship.
I rubbed the bump on my wrist where one day a rod was to be inserted, my chute brushed against ribs that had cracked under the impact of a misjudgment. I remembered the friends who had helped in my times of need. The same ones I had trusted to fly close enough for their wingtip to touch mine, or share a tight thermal and climb for thousands of feet while never seeing each other.
I compared the exhilaration of 25 mph at 5' AGL with my office view from 0.78M and 37,000' and I could find no comparison. I had beaten tremendous odds, my childhood dream of being a pilot had come a reality. And to top it off the previous week I had been picked as a Check Airman, one of few in the company. Indeed, with the newness of our airplane I was one of only a few hundred in the world.
My spirit refreshed, I decided to call it a day and trudged back to the tiedown area. It was funny, I thought, that I had started flying on a bunny hill, and lately I was spending more and more time back on the bunny hill. My flying had come full circle.
As I carefully folded my Charlene Duck at Marina that day I thanked her for the lessons she had shown me, the sky she had lifted me to. The life she had given me the courage to attain.
Last night I sat alone on a borrowed porch. I had read a story of a day's flying and the pilot had hooked me into his flight, his words taking me to heights I had not reached in years. But his landing had been a concern and I failed to share his relief at a safe arrival.
Without looking I thought about the two pieces of paper facing each other in my wallet. One a job, one a pleasure. One a reality, one the fantasy that had made the reality. I contemplated a dream and considered a nightmare. Airline Transport Pilot. Intermediate Hang Glider Pilot.
As the sunset faded and the night drew a veil over my thoughts I considered the cards in my hand.
The light had gone and with it the colors. For me, When had suddenly become Now.
27 April 00
United States Hang Gliding Association
Please accept my resignation as a Hang-3 Intermediate pilot, USHGA #47546.
This is an extremely difficult decision to make but I find that I can no longer accept the risks involved in Hang Gliding versus my career of Professional Pilot. Thank you for helping me to attain a lifelong dream.
Sincerely yours,
Stephen Kessinger USHGA #47546 Level 3 pilot.
FAA Designated Check Airman, Captain ERJ-145 Continental Express Airlines
ATP Airplane Multi-engine Commercial Airplane Single Engine Private Pilot Glider Student Pilot LTA (hot air balloon)
P.O. Box 574 Latham, NY 12110
copyright 2000 Stephen Kessinger no part of this story may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or any means [electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise], without the prior written permission of the copyright holder.
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